"Kevin was always such a happy girl," her mother used to like to say. Correct it should read: "She had to be a happy girl." For what Ken felt really mattered little. . It was important first and foremost, what other people thought about the family and think they should be to the following: "What a nice family with happy children what and how well they are trained really envy!"
Not that Zara's childhood had been unhappy throughout. But it was just fear and sadness. Only show they could not. Always nice smile and make it all right, otherwise there was trouble. As then, at the wedding of her older sister, as she uncomfortable among all the people and constantly pulled a flap. 13 she was old - actually not an uncommon age for even darker feelings add.
But her mother saw it differently. She took Kevin for a moment outside, where she banged her immediately. "If you can not tear yourself together, you get your butt here and still full, I swear to you, what should because people think?" As Kerstin went into it with that glowing cheek, tears in his eyes ... and smiled.
How many times had they made the best of a bad job? You could not say. She is in meat and become like the desire to be punished - blood passed. belong to blows on the bare buttocks, as she experienced it in childhood were also common. What was enforced, is for Ken now a liberating and fulfilling game. Painful of course: it must feel like a real punishment. But still, self-determined.
breaks Nevertheless, even here, in the fulfillment of their deepest longing, the crooked smile of course. The need, even in pain to make it even a good face, derail their facial expressions. Kevin hates it when it that happens. It is as if the parents would still stand behind her and forcing her to not be themselves, the happy Child to play.
"Behave yourself and be happy there!" This imperative will accompany Kerstin probably for the rest of their lives. But maybe it succeeds in time, to ban it in their own game, to let him do if and only if they voluntarily decide for a little while to be a child again. The best of a good game, so to speak. And if it imperative there has been raging in this safe framework, it will be milder in real life, perhaps to her.
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